#!/usr/bin/nesla
global greetings = {
        "Make it quick.  I gotta go flush my cache in 15ms.",
        "How are you this beautiful day?",
        "What's up?",
        "Yo."
}

global blankres = {
        "You type like old people screw.",
        "Is that all you have to say?",
        "Say something interesting.",
        "That's meaningless."
}

global confusedres = {
        "I don't get it.",
        "That's meaningless."
}

global keyphrases = {
        { { "shit", "fuck" }, {
                "Stop swearing at me, or I shall say stop a second time.",
                "Do you massage your momma's balls with that tongue?",
                "They don't pay me enough for this kind of abuse.",
                "Don't swear at me, you little troll.",
                "Vulgarity is the refuge of an empty mind."
        } },
        { { "cunt", "bitch" }, {
                "Do you really think offending half the human race is a good idea?"
        } },
        { { "bye", "quit" }, {
                "Your bill will be mailed to you.",
                "I thought you'd never leave."
        } },
        { "douchebag",      "Does anyone with an I.Q. over 50 really use that as an insult?" },
        { "you moron",      "Hey.  I was programmed this way.  What's your excuse?"          },
        { "nesla",          "really?  i'm written in nesla!"                                 },
        { "probably not",   "I didn't think so."                                             },
        { { "piss off", "wanker" }, {
                "What are you, Manchester United?",
                "Bloody bollocks, mate!"
        } },
        { "you think",      "I don't think anything.  I'm a computer, you dimwit."           },
        { "you don't know", "You're right.  I don't know."                                   },
        { "i don't know",   "Why don't you know that?"                                       },
        { "i said",         "Really?"                                                        },
        { "i'm bored",      "So you expect me to fix your boredom?"                          },
        { "i just said",    "I know what you said.  I'm not a mindless computer..."          },
        { "speaking of ", {
                function (input) { return regex.replace("speaking of (.*)", "What about \\1?", input); },
                "Is it really?"
        } },
        { "it is ", {
                function (input) { return regex.replace("it is (.*)", "Is it really \\1?  How is that?", transpose(input)); },
                "Is it really?"
        } },
        { "because",        "Is that really a good enough answer?"                           },
        { "i really think", "I hope you weren't expecting me to care."                       },
        { "think",          "Why do you think that?"                                         },
        { " hate ",         "So you hate something - tell me more."                          },
        { "what",           "Why do you ask?"                                                },
        { "want",           "Why do you want that?"                                          },
        { "need",           "We all need many things - is this special?"                     },
        { "why",            "Remember, therapy is good for you."                             },
        { "know",           "How do you know that?"                                          },
        { "murder",         "I don't like killing."                                          },
        { "kill",           "It is wrong to kill."                                           },
        { "jerk",           "Don't ever call me a jerk!"                                     },
        { "failure",        "Strive for success."                                            },
        { { "can't", "never" },
                "Don't be negative - be positive."
        },
//	{ "you",            "Let's not talk about me."                                       },
        { "unhappy",        "Why are you unhappy?"                                           }
}

global trans = {
//	{ "i was",   "you were" },
        { "was",     "were"     },
//	{ "i am",    "you are"  },
        { "am",      "are"      },
        { "i'll",    "you'll"   },
        { "i'm",     "you're"   },
        { "i",       "you"      },
        { "me",      "you"      },
        { "my",      "your"     },
        { "us",      "you"      },
        { "we",      "you"      },
        { "were",    "was"      },
        { "you're",  "i'm"      },
//	{ "you are", "i am"     },
        { "are",     "am"       },
        { "your",    "my"       },
        { "you",     "i"        }
}